[Insert Mother Here]

[Insert Mother Here]

Yesterday your breath smelled like the memories
And family you broke
The aura that once glistened when I was a child
Is now an image of a future that once was
Fetal positions only remind me of your most significant insecurities
And lies that were the truth
Even when we knew you were at fault
“I am your mother, and I’ll always love you”
What should have been easy to accept
At the tender age of 13
Served as nothing other than a warning of the horrors
That were to become
But I took heed all for you and
Lost myself
I came to the realization that the cycle of being a broken porcelain doll
and a lost, unwanted child of your own god
Were your most prized possessions
While this pride began to overshadow your conscious being
Your presence withheld a disturbance
And mothers seemed to only happen in fairy tales

“You’ll always be my daughter”
As of today, that phrase has been expired from my knowledge
Not even 18 years old and you’ve made me live what feels like 3 lives
One with a childhood
Where I was able to remember that home smelled like Chocolate Abuelita
And chlorine drenched swimsuits
It was the life I knew when my days ended in asking a mother and father
About what the world holds in store for me
The second life was only filled with recurring living nightmares
Where I couldn’t bear to go home or never come out of my room
Because what was supposed to be my caretaker
Was haunting me and driving me towards
My very own demons
Because I couldn’t be better than her
The current life is of a lost child
Where no matter how much Bukowski I read,
Or how strongly I idolize such strong women such as Kahlo,
Inside is where I find myself trying to dig up the grave of the child I once was
The one you so called “loved”

A year and eight months have passed by
No longer do I feel the vehement oppositions drawn towards the person I have become
No longer do I see you mutilating yourself to feel like
A victim of your own life
But I still remember the love that resided in you
At one point in the short period of time that I’ve known you
All I wonder today is:
Are you happy with yourself?
Not with your religion
Are you happy being a
And unknowing being
Just as we all are?

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