Life

Life


Did you ever think that waiting three minutes would change your entire life? No? Neither did I, but it did. It was another day in the office, except the doctor was out on vacation. I was on my computer at my desk looking at the schedule for the following week. 45 minutes later, I was able to call each patient to confirm their appointment and also managed to reschedule a few of them. Spending an hour and a half pulling patient charts and x-rays my cuticles and arms were sore. I had cramps in my arms from straining my shoulders to reach the top of the cabinet shelf. My cuticles had tiny little paper cuts from the pulling and jabbing of the manila folders. That was no biggie though, because it would be smooth sailing for the rest of the day and I could relax. I was wrong. All I could do was stare at the computer screen with my heart beating a thousand beats per minute and think of how my life was going to change.

It was another day in October, except for this day it was different. Sitting at my desk with the phones ringing like fire alarms, I thought to myself, “Something does not feel right.” As I am thinking about all the different possibilities of what could be wrong, I finally came to a conclusion, but I did not want to believe it. Walking through the sliding doors at Ralph’s on my lunch break, I feel the air thicken and my throat becomes dry as if I were walking through the Sahara Desert. Turning into the aisle where the feminine products are the smell of cleanliness fills my nostrils and I find what I need. As I grab the First Response box and walk to the front of the store, I felt like there were a million eyes on me. Getting closer to the registers my heart starts beating fast as if I just ran a marathon. I give the box to the clerk and she puts it in a brown paper bag. I sigh with relief because I didn’t want to walk out with a grocery bag with the pregnancy test box in there for the world to see. Walking back into the office I knew my life was not going to be the same.

Opening the office door I sprint to the back of the office where the bathroom is at. I shut the door, lock it and turn on the lights. With my hands trembling, I open the box and read the instructions on how to do the test. Sitting on the toilet with my hands between my legs with the two pregnancy sticks in both hands, I begin to pee on them. After doing that I place the two test sticks on the sinks counter. Sitting on the toilet waiting for the results was the longest three minutes of my life. Looking at my phone, pacing back and forth, all I can hear is the humming of the ceiling fan and the deep bass thumping of my heart beat in my ears. With my phone in my sweaty hands, the timer goes off. My heart and time felt like it had stopped. I look over to where the pregnancy sticks are and I see two pink lines on each of the windows on the tests. I am pregnant. My heart sinks to my stomach like I just went down a steep drop on a roller coaster. A roller coaster of new life that was just about to begin and the ride was not going to end soon.

Finally 6:30 p.m. came and it was time to go home. Driving down the back roads in Camarillo, looking at the fall sunset behind the strawberry fields in the distance, I look out the window and it seems as if I were driving in slow motion but in reality I am going about 60 mph. So many thoughts are running through my mind about how I am going to tell my parents I am pregnant, but also the father. Thinking of the worst case scenarios about how they will react, tears begin to fall down and I taste the saltiness from them. As I turn down my street I put the sun visor down to look into the mirror to try to pull myself together before I walk into the house, I didn’t want my parents to know that I was crying. Parking my car in front of my house, I take a deep breath in and let it out. I get out of my car and close the door. With sweaty palms and my heart beating fast I walk up to the front door and I enter.

To this day I can still remember the sound of my heart beating the moment I found out I was pregnant. The way my tears tasted when they fell from my eyes on the way home from work.  The tightness in my chest of not knowing of what the future held for me. I knew my life was going to change. Despite all the anxiety and stress from not knowing I was pregnant to finding out that I was, I would not change anything about that day. I now have a beautiful three year old little girl, who is the love of my life. Although this pregnancy was not planned, she has been the greatest blessing that has ever happened to me. She has shaped me into the person that I am today: a strong woman.

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