You Can’t Tell

You called me a “crumbly person”.
But…
You are a stranger to me.
I’m a stranger to you.
By looking at me, you hardly know a thing about me.
You’d know that I’m a white female
Somewhere around 20
With green eyes like the stems of flowers
And brown hair so light
that some people think it’s blonde.
You’d know that I’m not “thin”,
But I’m not “fat” either.
You don’t know me well enough to make those kinds of judgements on me.
There are so many things
That you can’t tell about a person
Unless you talk to them.
You can’t tell
That I use Eeyore and Piglet
From Winnie the Pooh
To visualize
My depression and my anxiety.
You can’t tell
That I was bullied by my peers
All throughout school
Because they were trying to be funny
Or cool.
You can’t tell,
But on my upper right thigh,
There are some very faint scars
From when I decided to split open my skin
At sixteen
Because I thought it wasn’t beautiful enough.
You can’t tell
That I sometimes dig my fingernails
Into the skin on my arms
When I’m
Uncomfortable
Anxious
Claustrophobic
Nervous.
You can’t tell
That I’m perennially lonely
And that some of my best friends
Are the characters in my favorite books.
You don’t know that
I have a strong affiliation with my Hogwarts house.
I am a PROUD HUFFLEPUFF!
You don’t know
That I’ve wanted to be a writer
Since I was 7.
And that now,
At age 20, I’m in full pursuit of that dream.
You don’t know
That I’m an avid reader
(I’ve read 20 books so far this year).
That I LOVE herbal tea.
That I can only listen to instrumental or classical music.
That when I wear makeup, it’s ONLY because
I need to feel confident.
You don’t know that I’m a Catholic Convert,
That I HATE cursing,
That I’m a Feminist.
You don’t know that I’ve been with my boyfriend for FOUR YEARS!
You can’t tell
That I struggle with negativity
That my emotions rule my life
That I am doing my
VERY BEST
To be happy
To not fall apart
Every second
Of every minute
Of every day.
Don’t assume
Just because you see a smile on my face
That I’m “okay”
That I’m “normal”
That I don’t have something wrong with me.
Don’t assume
Just because I’m not smiling
That I’m not happy.
I’m a stranger,
You’re a stranger,
You don’t know me.
You don’t know what I’ve been through.
I don’t know what you’ve been through.
Don’t assume,
Don’t make judgements.
Because YOU DON’T KNOW!
You’ll never know,
Unless you decide to no longer be a stranger.